I am a woman who climaxes almost every time I have sex. I admit that at this point I have started to take this fact for granted, but for so many women it is nearly impossible, even unimaginable. It really doesn’t have to be.

Now maybe you’re thinking “What glorious feat of biology let this woman have the perfect vagina?” Or, if you’re a bit more aware of female anatomy, “Why was this woman lucky enough to have her clitoris positioned an inch or less from her vagina?” 

The answer to both of those questions is that every woman has a perfect vagina and, no, I wasn’t that “lucky.” I admit I haven’t ever taken a tape measure down there (though now that I think about it I am quite curious) but I know from experience that my clit is not close enough to the thrusting extravaganza for it to get me off. The fact of the matter is that I have never come to orgasm through penetration alone, and I am of the belief that it is absolutely ridiculous to think that’s what it should mean for a woman to have an orgasm during sex.

Have I tried? Absolutely. I sought advice from friends and women’s magazines, convinced by Cosmopolitan that if I could just find the right position, I’d come so hard I’d see stars, but inevitably I tired of this…rather quickly actually. It didn’t feel as good, and I could tell no matter what positions I tried, nothing but stimulating my center of pleasure (duh) would give me an orgasm. I just couldn’t commit to trying so hard to accomplish something that, upon further research, turns out to be somewhere between highly unlikely and absolutely impossible for all but 7% of women.

Wait stop. Did you read that? Only 7% of women can climax reliably from penetration alone. Please ladies and gentlemen take a moment and think about that number. I mean, FEEL that number.

Now look back on your sex life.  I’m going to give you some time here…..

When I first became committed to this idea, I tried to have my boyfriend rub me out while he was pumping away, but this turned out to be unsustainable for two reasons. 1) Yes, it is fantastic when my guy can multitask, but sometimes it’s just too awkward. 2) He’s trying very hard to come his way and there is no reason that I shouldn’t be trying to come just as hard my way!

There are so many ways to improve your sex life, but this is a guarantee. Ladies, if you can orgasm by touching yourself, you can orgasm when you have penetrative sex. IT’S THAT SIMPLE. There is no reason to be afraid or to feel like your guy will be anything but turned on. I know mine has told me as much, but even beyond personal experience, if the number of websites dedicated to watching women touch themselves is any indicator, then the human male population really likes to see this.

As a society, we’re hanging on to an antiquated idea of what it means for a woman and man to have sex.  Thankfully we are moving forward, but we seem to be swimming through molasses.  I come when I have good ole’ D in V sex because I touch myself, and if you think the idea of reaching that beautiful release every time is something you want, then why not try actively and interactively making it happen rather than waiting for someone else to give it to you?

It doesn’t matter how you stimulate your clit, with a toy, with a boy, or just your hand, what matters is that we all recognize that sex without clitoral stimulation, shouldn’t be the norm. We’re demanding more, and we can give it to ourselves! So ladies, why not make your pleasure your priority and men do us all a favor and tell your partner how much you love to see her come, anyway, anyhow!

(Disclaimer: Please excuse the heteronormative view of sexual experience. I wouldn’t want to give advice on something I’ve never tried, and something tells me that a woman who is trying to please another woman, already knows where the sweet spot is.)

Header photo Courtesy of someecards.com